ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
