so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
