Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
