I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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