yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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