Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
