We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
