I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
