Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
