My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
