allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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