The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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