Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
