I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think brook has ever known best
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
