You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
