Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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