Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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