Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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