I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
