I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
