Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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