thus making me awesome and them whores
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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