just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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