i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The struggles of a small town man whore
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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