Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
