I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
