Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
