once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
