I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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