Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
