I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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