I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
