Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
