Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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