If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
