Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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