i permit you to call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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