OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
