Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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