her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
