she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
