dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
