my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we made out on top of his cat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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