Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
