That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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