yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
