Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
