i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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