I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
