MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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