So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
