last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
