just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
