I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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