i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
