Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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