I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
