Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
