We won't sleep together?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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