youre lurking in front of me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love you. Go after that dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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