jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
