I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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