He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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