its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bring me that man meat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
