I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
