I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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