I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
