why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
