Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
