At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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