You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
