The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
