And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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