Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize