my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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