You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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