The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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