my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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