omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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