I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
